Fix my eyes

I have opened my computer and logged into my blog page quite a few times, including this morning, wanting to write something but the truth is there was nothing to write. I haven't felt inspired lately, or maybe it is just from all the working I have been doing. I am a substitute teacher for the city I live ( and love) in along with teaching a preschool class two days a week, sell amazing lip colors on the side and am the vice president of the PTA at my daughters school. I also go to college and most days I am drowning in homework. MEH.

Anyways, my new favorite word lately is jack wagon. I wouldn't be deemed a good mother if I went around calling people jackasses so I feel it is appropriate. From seeing news stories covering deaths of precious children to people who don't deserve them, to the Vegas shooting, political happenings, and all the other bad stuff. Sometimes jack wagon just best describes some people.

This morning, I had planned on the girls eating breakfast at school but on the way out the door Amerie asked if I would take her to her favorite place. Any clues? .....
You guessed right, McDonald's.
So,off we go. Pull into the drive thru and this "jackwagon" pulls from the opposite entrance in front of me. She was facing the building and not the drive thru. We get through the line and head to school. I was explaining to my children to not be that type of person. Don't take the easy way and don't feel like your entitled to anything. As I was driving,  I thought the light was green and kept driving. For whatever reason I thought that, it actually wasn't. It was red. I was on a highway and crossing traffic was turning. I literally missed two cars by half of a second.

WHO'S THE JACKWAGON NOW
 me.

I could've have killed myself, hurt my children, actually I put them in immediate danger along with the other people in the cars, and possibly the surrounding vehicles. I don't know how I didn't end up in a wreck. Maybe the hands of God pushed me that half second away from them or rather them from me. I will never know.

We didn't end up eating our breakfast.

After hugging my children longer and tighter than normal, I drove to work where I just sat silently in my truck. WOW. I begged God for forgiveness and hoped for forgiveness from the other people and my children. I prayed that He would calm my children's hearts and those I could've hurt. I begged to him to clear my mind. I asked for my eyes to be fixed on him instead of judging someone else. Mostly, I thanked him for saving all of our lives today.

Like every Thursday, I start my work day in a meeting that ends with prayer. During the meeting my director said she felt it in her heart to share Psalms 100. I  needed that. Then proceeded to tell us the lyrics of a hymn, Count your Blessings.

When upon life's billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done,

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done,

.....

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

do not be disheartened, God is overall;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey's end.

I am still in awe at how I didn't kill myself or anyone else today. There was no other protection but from a higher power. And I needed what my director said in our meeting. Be thankful and count your blessings. Tomorrow is never promised. I beat myself up all day and will for a long time. I could blame it on stress but it is just an excuse. I have taken my eyes off of the most important thing, and that to me is a God-centered life.

Thanks for the wakeup call, Jesus. I needed it.

As I end my day, I couldn't be more thankful for life right now. There have been times when I felt the world would be better off without me, but not today. Stress and depression are real and sometimes they get the best of us. But maybe that message was to grab ahold of the devil and kick him out. As I end this blog, I beg of you. To count your blessings and to be thankful.

For we do not know what life tomorrow will be! You are like a puff of smoke, which appears for a moment and then disappears. James 4:14

XOXO,

CAYLA