What my mother never told me ( and I forgot to ask)
A lot of folks do not know my back story. Some people are truly shocked when I tell them what is what like before I met my husband. One thing I wish I had out of life is preparation. No one prepared me for motherhood. No one gave me tips, tricks, ideas, or to how to have a healthy mindset. No one taught me how to buckle my baby in the car seat, even the nurse at the hospital wouldn't help. No one taught me about building credit. No one taught me working out is a good thing other than for the reason I am fat.
What my mother never told me was why she did what she did. All the things she did. I will never understand. Often times when I did speak to her, I never asked. I just told her how horrible she was. I was on my own at 16. Started working at 14. She was a thief and a liar. Sometimes I fell into her ways. But, I wanted to be better than that. I wanted to run away from it all. She was not my role model. Not sure who I even looked up to as a woman back then at this point... no idea.
However, I am forever grateful for my friends and their parents. They took me in. Gave me a bed to sleep in. Even presents on Christmas. I think that is when depression first took over my life. I went through high school with a job and taking classes to just get by. I had plenty of credits but I took classes like applied math and study hall just to make it. No one, not even the counselors, helped me make wise choices. I didn't know if I took some harder classes they would help me with college. I just wanted to get through the school day and go to work.
I got my own place at 19 ( an apartment) the fall after I graduated. My friend's mom helped with the deposit to get it. My mother never told me to go to college. Never told me to be a woman of class. Never taught me to be kind. Never taught me to be grateful or graceful for that matter. Never taught me to manage money. I wanted to go to college, but how was what got me. I went to the army and applied. Failed that test. At that point, I just worked and worked. Always held two jobs until I got pregnant.
I am passed all that. I try to understand why my mother made the choices she has. But she had the choice to be a good mom. She had the choice to teach me. But she chose not to. What my mother never told me was to be a good mom. To be a good human. To do good for others. To be respectable. And if she did, I must have been sleeping away. It took a toll on my life for quite awhile. I have overcame all that. I now go through life with just my husband.
I see all these amazing moms. I look up to you. I look to you for advice. How to make my daughters decent human beings. How to teach them to be kind. To stick up for others when they are being picked on. To teach them that they are beautiful. To give back to others. You all are amazing. I always feel like I am a few years behind everyone else. Like a premature baby born 20 weeks early into life. You mommas are what get me through life and probably don't even know it.
What my mother never told me was that the person she was would shape my life. I can't imagine living the way she did. I would never give up on my kids. Leave them to fen for themselves. What my mother never told me was to say thanks. Each and every person who has been a tremendous impact on my life, thank you. I will eventually be the woman I am suppose to be because of all you amazing, beautiful, people who CHOSE not to give up on me.
What my mother never told me was why she did what she did. All the things she did. I will never understand. Often times when I did speak to her, I never asked. I just told her how horrible she was. I was on my own at 16. Started working at 14. She was a thief and a liar. Sometimes I fell into her ways. But, I wanted to be better than that. I wanted to run away from it all. She was not my role model. Not sure who I even looked up to as a woman back then at this point... no idea.
However, I am forever grateful for my friends and their parents. They took me in. Gave me a bed to sleep in. Even presents on Christmas. I think that is when depression first took over my life. I went through high school with a job and taking classes to just get by. I had plenty of credits but I took classes like applied math and study hall just to make it. No one, not even the counselors, helped me make wise choices. I didn't know if I took some harder classes they would help me with college. I just wanted to get through the school day and go to work.
I got my own place at 19 ( an apartment) the fall after I graduated. My friend's mom helped with the deposit to get it. My mother never told me to go to college. Never told me to be a woman of class. Never taught me to be kind. Never taught me to be grateful or graceful for that matter. Never taught me to manage money. I wanted to go to college, but how was what got me. I went to the army and applied. Failed that test. At that point, I just worked and worked. Always held two jobs until I got pregnant.
I am passed all that. I try to understand why my mother made the choices she has. But she had the choice to be a good mom. She had the choice to teach me. But she chose not to. What my mother never told me was to be a good mom. To be a good human. To do good for others. To be respectable. And if she did, I must have been sleeping away. It took a toll on my life for quite awhile. I have overcame all that. I now go through life with just my husband.
I see all these amazing moms. I look up to you. I look to you for advice. How to make my daughters decent human beings. How to teach them to be kind. To stick up for others when they are being picked on. To teach them that they are beautiful. To give back to others. You all are amazing. I always feel like I am a few years behind everyone else. Like a premature baby born 20 weeks early into life. You mommas are what get me through life and probably don't even know it.
What my mother never told me was that the person she was would shape my life. I can't imagine living the way she did. I would never give up on my kids. Leave them to fen for themselves. What my mother never told me was to say thanks. Each and every person who has been a tremendous impact on my life, thank you. I will eventually be the woman I am suppose to be because of all you amazing, beautiful, people who CHOSE not to give up on me.
XOXO,
CAYLA
You don't give yourself enough credit, sister. Your story has shaped you and you have become a beautiful mother in spite of how you were mothered. Over-freaking-comer.
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